he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
