ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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