your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
