Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
