We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
