Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
