he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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