watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
