A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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