I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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