wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
