Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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