I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
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I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
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That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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