Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
