I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
