You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
