Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
