im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize