life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
