Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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