I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
