suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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