just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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