Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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