Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
