OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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