Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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