My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
