I skipped work to stalk him.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
