so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
