Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
