Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
