I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
