that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
