i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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