dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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