any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
