Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
