just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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