I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
