You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
