What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
