i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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