Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
