i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
