I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
