Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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