definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize