I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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