Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
