I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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