I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
