They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
