Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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