Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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