Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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