One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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