he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
