I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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