Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
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