Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
