So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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