your parents love me but you hate me
You can't special order awesome
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I deserve this hangover.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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