that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
