why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
