I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
